The anxiety of what and who I don't yet know drives me right up to the places I don't want to go.

Places of waiting where listening  becomes a  must.

False humilty no longer planting my face in the dust.  

Always knowing I could be running yet only trudging along

gladly singing the song of sadness, knowing it was the wrong song.

 Until I know how to finish this poem, I retreat and reflect on the deep sadness I experience when I refuse to risk walking into the unknown through which this anxiety wants to carry me.

 How often I follow my head(logic) when there is a gap(deep darkness) before the next logical step. My head says to turn left or right to avoid the crash. This crash or gap is what I refer to as internal bleeding.

It is here where I'm torn either away from my logic into wisdom or torn internally by refusing the wisdom given me. I can follow what appears as emotional familiarity(logical) or begin to risk following the dark newness of emotional intimacy. These two states(of being) continuously crash into one another more often than I like to admit.

Yet wisdom takes my gap theory(avoidance) into intimate emotional fellowship with myself and others when obedient to this wisdom.

This is true suffering, not just bleeding blackness.