Healing comes from tenderness and rest. We often resort to extreme self-denial instead because of the feelings produced of being in control.
The most common yet usually unrecognized form of this is over-analysis or "I have to figure out____".
This kills the mind's freedom to experience the benefits from thinking(Isaiah 46:8) and begins the controlled process of now thinking about what one is thinking, i.e. becoming analytical.
This substitute form of suffering is from an over-developed mind and under-developed will.
The mind can generate more pain or create higher expectations(Proverbs 13:12) than the pain caused by the wound, thus an ironic for of relief is found.
True rest in its final step is a free mind, not an open one.
A free mind receives what is best(Philippians 1:9-11) and is free from what isn't.
An open mind just adds more and more books to the mental shelf that is already overloaded.
It's strange how an overloaded mental shelf feels like a great substitute for true grace.