I drove 4 hours round trip to spend a couple of hours with my Mom today in Murray, Ky.  She has the wisdom of Solomon and is as sharp as a tack. Though tired, she welcomed me and was intensely attentive. She knew I needed to talk as she reflected on her 1st date with my father and how 6 months later they were married.  My ears seemed to open up like eyes as I listened to Mom in ways that seemed more like radar than hearing. I sensed things that appear to be appearing rather than things that already are.  My next venture will be about "what will be" more than the venture that just ended which was about "what is."  While listening to her speak about the past, I realized the importance of my new undertaking of learning how to draw (something I have never done before).  In learning how to draw by pencil, I free my imagination to write more fluently; therefore, my mind is clearer and freerer. Similarily, strange as it seems, learning this new method opened me up to something old: the past.  I've been listening to my past for months now in ways that connect me to who I now am in order to impact others in a more effective way. Discovering the themes of my life as I recover from recent years' events seems to be a path of  much resistance upon which I'm learning to resist the resistance.

For example, yesterday, I even walked around the Freshman dorm where I first lived at Vanderbilt to relive a fear I had at 18, which was a new kind of fear for me at that time. Something resonated in me about that fear that I needed to revisit; even today, this fear seemed to make me feel off-balance . I knew I needed to go talk with Mom because of it, and I have yet to understand its meaning  even after our visit. But I know I will see eye to I soon.

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