Adapting to our adoption.
"I'm just being honest."
Even Moses was at one time a basket case as a child. Exodus 2:3-4 We must return as a child to have us transformed- found and lifted- by the basket-case feeling of our lives being opened so it no longer is a cold case. It's as an adult child that we feel silly and embarassed as to what really matters to us, yet we begin to share those things anyway at the risk of being shamed. We tend to weave our own basket case into which we hem ourselves where the hem of the Garment cannot be touched.
Know before you sew.
When I substitute image for intimacy. By denying my intuitive longing for a moral choice to be made that answers what truly matters, I intellectually deny my purpose-driven arguments that would take me there. Intellectual cowardness leads only to deep frustration and I move into my head to live rather than using my head to live out a true life of purpose based on a Promise that there is an Anchor full of promises.
There is a hurt that hurts others. It can start out as a crutch that allows healing until one can walk again. But a crutch can change form into revenge that makes it impossible to walk again without also trampling on another's ability to walk. A Cain doesn't make you Abel.
The heir becomes thin at higher altitudes. The higher we're lifted, the more that must roll off the back.
The Well of Grief where the troubles end well
while wounded and feeling the death grip of hell.
But my wounds drawing from the well of grief,
my brokeness, my anger, sense no relief.
Are these from the Father or the thief?
My heart? Dead, buried, or just broken?
Depending, is my reaction to what is spoken.
Or is the fact that I in the past would react,
when instead by faith I can now just act.
Shame distorts the well of grief
denying it to be the Mercy-seat,
a man of sorrows who washes our feet,
this holy affair where anger, we don’t meet.
The cross, Psalm 85:10, doubly sweet.
When my ass gets handed to me it's oftentimes because my ass is scared. A wagging tail is not always a "happy ending".
A lot of work can be done while listening, though it's often misinterpreted early in the process. Proverbs 20:5
Ever feel when that you are speaking it’s not from the heart? We often speak as if we are in a movie that is dubbed with someone else’s language or we are our own body double. The language used is someone else’s opinion or something we believe we are expected to say. In the presence of someone that is truly listening, words tend to begin to flow from a place that often brings tears, a feeling of shame, vulnerability, as well as feeling slightly dumb. This is because we often take a drubbing when dubbing is stopped. Speaking from the heart appears threatening to others and even to ourselves.
Please don’t confuse this with being honest because honesty is not always accuracy. Pouring one’s heart out begins with the removal of stammering when asked deep questions from someone who not only cares, but knows how to care for you.
Making sense becomes less important by taking the focus off what others think of you as you speak. The growing confidence replaces the need to be understood by revealing how much you know and understand your own life, passion, as purpose.
As others begin to speak this way with me, the common and oft repeated question is “Am I crazy?” When you know yourself well enough to “speak for yourself” not only does it feel as crazy as a roller coaster ride, but also feels like a kid or silly.
Celebrate and share what you truly know. Discover more about yourself even when you reach a point where things seem to make less and less sense. That point is the pitchfork in the road, so feared that if I had only been dumb(crazy) enough to continue, I would have found the fountain of my youth i.e my heart in the matter.
Don’t dumb yourself down by dubbing any more than is necessary, but stammer your way into the intimacy of fluent self-awareness that speaks “I am dark, yet lovely.’
A hand under a wing.
Connecting the backbone to the wishbone
Prayer in dependence and confidence while having our timetables overturned. John 2:14-16
The unconscious embrace of shame.