Music for Cross training. Hebrews 5:7-14
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Thoughts
From habit or coping into true desire where the fear of bad news transforms into self acceptance. My eyes turn inward with grace rather than on me with with brutal honesty where the Smile is met, not anger. A soft answer is heard unattached to my wrong questions. I bow in a moment of genuine humiliy long enough where the authentique me is tasted. Not as poison, but as genuine desire still frought with the lingering residue Brennon Manning speaks of as an imposter.
When intention and action are wedded as emotion and effort are wedded, the hot seat of performance becomes the mercy seat of faithful work. As Kurt Beasley says "Clothe yourself with careful thought because the forecast for this event is 100% chance of propitiation." Roman 3:21-26
When my hope is greater than my luck the internal walls of self protection come tumbling down. People sent for me surround and walk around those walls until they crumble and fall. Those walls of frozen pain and anger melt slowly away from the words of those who heal. I am introduced to the real me as I begin to regain sight of me as my eyes widen with understanding and confidence of evolving self knowledge. To have walked so long with someone I hadn’t met is difficult which is often why life seemed so hard and superficial. That someone turns out to be the true me. Thus love others includes loving yourself and it affects the way I relate to others.
But, before this transformation I didn’t really know who I was. So when I meet someone that brings out my true self often referred to as the best in me, living becomes so much more that I dreamed. This newly discovered potential which seems too good to be true can create more dread than the fear of bad luck. Psalm 126
I begin to realize how much I have learned to motivate myself by fear using negative thinking techniques. “I don’t want to…”, “I can’t….”, “I never….”, “I won’t…”, What if…?”, Yeah, but…”. As my self introduction unfolds I start cutting away at who I am not or am no longer. The energy released is then rechanneled for a different and much more productive battle of regaining my thought processes and overpowering the negative tendencies in my thinking that blinded and deafened me to myself and others. I begin to judge another's motives less harshly and more with good judgement. 2 Corinthians 10:4,5
On discovering the value of who I am, risk has grown because that recognition is a lot to lose now. Yet brought to the surface is my vested interest in unbelief. Many of my commitments are based on the old distorted views.
The unfolding or “exposure” of me is often a slow and painful process of freeing the mind. The experience is that my head repeatedly seems to be hurting from overwhelming , yet exhilarating momentary losses of words. I can’t help but take a deep breath since no ”self help” is needed and the right words are given to me in time. Judges 13:17,18
My tears, hidden behind the cheeks that now declare “slippery when wet”, become far more sensitive, yet eerily more confident than before. Psalm 69:6
Fear and dread begin the transformation process into the practical necessities of courage and confidence. Psalm 138:3.
Celebrate! as the future becomes something to look forward to and the past now energizes the present. Isaiah 8:12,13
This is not a shoe company but they do get walked on.
Letting it all out is not always healthy honesty and is at times the wrong kind of courage.
Boldness is not about being fearless but about being able to see the door that is opened whether the door is into a heart or into an opportunity and entering. Now that is something for which to pray.
Which comes first? The frustrated chicken or the egg that is bored. Is frustration possibly pregnant with boredom or vice versa? Many struggle with these two issues. So where do they originate? Though it could be many possibilities, the majority seem to struggle due to a demanding spirit that goes after what is desired. The trouble with demands is that they seek to fulfill desires. But desires come without instruction. One just hammers away aimlessly in any attempt to have the desire fulfilled without regard to what is best. 1 Corinthians 9:26
Surrender of the will that is called for by the Scriptures is thought of as something weak and/or foolish at this point. Though we are called to submit to the Holy Spirit and be instructed by Him through the Word and also spirit-led mentors, we tend to rely on our own wisdom.
If I demand what I desire, I only set myself up to refuse it once I receive it. I won’t enjoy it nor can I. The demanding spirit never stops demanding. It’s not in its nature to enjoy.
Unknowingly, my demands create many of the questions that I have. I therefore look for the answers that fit without ever questioning the purpose and motive of the question. I constantly search for a new answer to replace what I have to meet my continuing demands.
A demanding spirit evolves into one of two conditions; bitterness or indifference. This takes form in its earlier stages by refusing and abusing tenderness and affection from others and yourself.
With bitterness we tend to abuse affection by harsh repetitive criticism while tearing down verbally whatever attempts someone makes to give what is demanded.
With indifference we tend to abuse by withholding words in the form of silent treatment, a crafty yet powerful form of anger.
The result is frustration and boredom that steals the discernment and experience of beauty in ourselves and others. We become an enemy to beauty seeing it as something to conquer, kill or hide.
Flying by the seat of your dance. Psalm 30:11-12
Normally resignation is known to be formally giving up one’s office or position. But there is a much deeper meaning to this term that is detrimental to emotional and spiritual life. Oftentimes the admittance of defeat with a defeatist attitude is the catalyst of this type of self destruction called resignation.
The attitude can start with some sort of protest based on the realization of a loss, even a loss from the past such as during one's childhood which could have been chaotic or traumatizing. This realization can lead to a resignation which goes far deeper than admitting or grieving because the view goes from recognizing a loss into seeing oneself as the loss. This is not losing oneself in the sense of our Lord increasing as we decrease, rather, a loss of who we are and Whose we are.
Any conclusion or decision regarding our losses can either remove us from the people and things we enjoy, or fully engage us. Consider a man who has lost his wife earlier than expected. His grief is so heavy that he vows to never allow himself to fall in love with another person. Slowly his harsh expectations of himself and committments or vows made because of this lead to a corrosive attitude that shadows the freedom to fall in love again. We must remember that out of our loss we can either experience or deny to experience. Any expectation at these vulnerable crossroads must be met with careful skepticism and reevaluation of committments or vows made at earlier times in our life as we surround ourselves with the tender love from community or friends.
The irony regarding resignation of self is that it creates a gratifying sense of control in uncontrollable and chaotic circumstances that often resemble former ones. The thought process is as follows: If I remove myself from any possibility to lose, then I will not lose. The unfortunate thing however is that this false sense of control is really weakness overcoming oneself when the goal was overcoming weakness. Think of one who drinks too much. The alcohol has a feeling of strength and invincibility, but really it slows down and distorts good judgement.
From what cup do you drink? Out of the one that blurs and weakens the vision you have of yourself and of others? The one that staggers your every move so much that it feels that you are to remain immovable? The one that makes you someone you swore you would never be?
Or, do you drink of the One that gives us eyes to see and ears to hear that frees us into freedom and invites us to be ourselves simply because we are loved?
When His promises are greater to me than the despair of my broken ones, I stop hating my weaknesses and limitations that are expressed through self-obsession and narcissism. Psalm 119:140
Not only do callousness amd numbness begin to fade, but gentleness even towards myself is empowered. Psalm 119:70
The ultimate puzzle that generates cross words because we are puzzled by the word cross. Luke 17:3-5
Awareness taken deeper through obedience.
A person who makes a difference instead of making only a point will, by example, point out the differences of how pointless a point can be if it makes no difference.
A child is drawn to the promise of honey but is almost always surprised by the presence of bees. Deuteronomy 1:44
The stings of disobedience tend to make us feel that we must move out of the childlike state for all the wrong reasons We feel we must grow up and earn the right to hurt this much.
We challenge ourselves to “be a man or woman” when we feel the pain of a mistake. In our pride we are shocked that we would make a mistake or fail. We can’t hear our pain over the proud voice of self-reliance. Some of our worst mistakes are made from drawing wrong conclusions from undeniable truths. Galatians 4:8,9
Why is this? Pain is the most difficult of all the human conditions. Because of this, our views become distorted when pain humiliates us. We even refuse comfort that is strengthening thinking that it’s power might be used against us. Job 23:6
Pain is confusing to a child yet a child will continue to run to the parent. As we grow older the confusion of pain has deeper effects on us that we try to interpret with our own limited wisdom and experience. We pray as Jeremiah did to not hurt us for hurting so much. Jeremiah 10:24 Even when willing or forced to get help we find it difficult to the see the “goodness” of it. Hebrews 12:7-13
What is this goodness that often makes me feel as a naked man frantic in a house full of bees?
King David asked for a sign of this goodness in Psalm 86:17. He wrote about it in Psalm 142:7 and 81:16. Is it not the Christ with His gift of forgiveness and repentance to know Him? Acts 5:31
When you know Him you know the Father, son. John 14:9-14
Ask as a child and hear the aye of the Father. 2 Corinthians 1:20
Hear the whisper. Job 4:11-13
Mind over madder and madder.
Tuned in whether decked out or not.
A sorrowful heart that feels alone is the greatest grief.
Self hatred is not redemption. We spiritualize self hatred through self criticism to motivate ourselves into needed changed behavior. We are to yield to Someone greater than ourselves rather than pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. To pray for courage stops the insults of self hatred and inspires succeess while giving the freedom to fail. Straps are practical. But, they cause us to often rush back into what we saw as our vision without realizing a vision unfolds according to inspired revelation in real time. Real time revelation creates in us the power to adapt to unforeseen or unexpected changes along the way.
Even mistakes that are made are then spiritually transformed into an upward gradual learning curve of confidence that lifts us after falling. Reboots. Psalm 71:5
What is counterintuitive is often counterinstinctive. A right hook against a wrong jab by overcoming evil with good. Psalm 73:21-26