What is counterintuitive is often counterinstinctive. A right hook against a wrong jab by overcoming evil with good. Psalm 73:21-26
It's always shocking how much pain and fear can make me forget my God-given instincts. Things work out more according to my preparedness rather than my plans since life is so full of inconsistencies, paradox, ambiguity, and uncertainty. Beware when we have the ability to force our plans and are prepared only to enforce them forcefully when adaptation to change is instead required.
Anger is the third stage reached after the initial stage of shock from an event and the second stage of sadness in the process of grieving. We often have others in our presence during this third stage who try to stop us from being so angry when anger intensifies with forms of blame attached to someone rightly or wrongly. However this can derail or delay the grieving process.
Anger is necessary in order to search for what could have been, even with forms of blame attached. Temporary blame can personalize the wound at deep levels needed for true healing and forgiveness to begin to occur, though self guilt may be felt from the blame.
Anger's search for what could have been reaches its purpose when the search ends in acceptance of what is. Then I can say I am what I am and life begins anew for me.
Needleless to say.
A self pit full of despair.
There once was a boy who was a man who stood next to a man who was a boy.
The boy ask the man who he was.
The man began to talk about himself
until the boy interrupted and asked again
who he was. The man became irritated
and continued talking about himself.
The boy again asked who he was.
The man walked away angry that the boy
seemed to ignore everything he said.
Then, standing alone, the boy heard
a gentle voice inside of him saying
"Son, you are mine and thanks for asking".
I describe excellence as “skilled and filled” as in Exodus 31:1-5. In other words, living up to our potential. The pursuit of excellence includes learning to enjoy the process, which inevitably leads to the surprise outcomes along the way that perfectionism never allows to be enjoyed.
Perfectionism can be skilled but not always filled, something to beware of as describe in Deuteronomy 8. Skilled but not filled is self-reliance, or trusting oneself.
The goal of excellence allows us the freedom from judging each step. That's why James 1:5 implies we aren't expected to have perfect knowledge. We are given an open "Book" test without the reproach of being graded or judged.
Perfectionism does not lead to higher performance and greater happiness though it can bring some forms of success. Often perfectionism parades as excellence but it differs greatly by making everyone miserable in the process because the essential element of trust is missing. The perfectionist trusts no one but himself, criticizes everyone else, and is rarely trustworthy if things don't go his way.
Basically, the perfectionist is the control freak who is afraid to fail because he finds his value in his achievement only.
Even panic attacks are the result of perfectionist tendencies. The perfectionist always focuses on the flaws and mistakes, leaving them with more fatigue and less to show for it.
I've rarely met anyone that successfully pursues excellence by criticism. Whether from our own mind or from another's tongue, we usually give undue credit to the criticism we hear.
A challenge to excellence through encouragement, not criticism, is inspiring because it includes a living example by another that has the courage to encourage us. Criticism does the double harm of tearing someone down and leaving them without help to heal.
Seeking love out of wisdom rather than seeking wisdom out of love.
Under the shadow of His wings rather than in the shifting shadows. Darkness has become my friend if unwilling to be befriended in the darkness by Grace. Beauty in the darkness is not that darkness is beauty, but that there is no absence of light. It just takes a blackness to the darkness so that I no longer try to see with my own eyes.
I then can see by the kaleidoscopic eye of faith that enlightens my heart's eye to see the Hope riding Black Beauty who has come to rescue me.
Many differences resulting in conflict are the result of misunderstandings rather than actual wrongs. It is critical to be aware of the approach and that it be done with sensitivity and sincerity. In the approach the other should be given the benefit of the doubt while you may be doubted as to your own motives as well as met with reproach through accusations whether false, true, or partially true. Initial approaches are often riddled with inconsistent words or meanings so the first meeting or conversation may appear unsuccessful. The willingness to go back repeatedly brings a clarity often missed or wrongly heard even though a seed is almost always planted if done in a calm confidence.
The are so many variations of responses initially that often reflect a shutting down effect in either party that the resulting reactions are based more on history rather that what is happening in real time.
Continue to cultivate whatever common ground can be found so some point of stability can be reached to refer back to later. This is often discovered as soon as I give up my egotistical tendency to have to win at all costs or at least to make a point on the scoreboard.
To approach with power is to move into a place close enough where a heartbeat can be heard or a glimpse into another's soul can be seen or felt.
Where there is life found, there is life's way.
Running for cover with a lover.
Words are powerful. Communicators know this. Negotiators know this. Deep down, you know this. Words have blessed you and words have devastated you. The healing that comes from a kind and tender word is precious. The destruction of a cruel taunt or a well-told deception is crushing. To have such power is amazing or razing. Which do you choose?
Enlightened is when the mind itself is strengthened to see through its stored information so that it can hear without asking and believe without reasoning when our questions and arguments get in the way. There is a lot of stress from an educated guess that complicates the profound of uncharted ground.
In any particular conversation that begins or ends up in an argument, there exists a place underneath where reason is often able to undermine the incorrect assumptions, confront the legalism, and bring to light the underlying issues. The real issues are often unrecognized and more emotional than rational. Learn to listen for them. Step one is be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Psalm 103:8